Lately I’m having a hard time accepting Misophonia. There has been an onslaught of triggers during the summer months. This is made worse by living in army housing, where mowing the lawn is not only mandatory, but not complying is penalized by fines and the army itself getting involved. On the weekends, soldiers mow their lawns, and during the week, large commercial lawnmowers rattle so loudly that the windows shake.

It’s worse because I never wanted to live here. I knew this would be a problem and I resisted the idea of army housing entirely. And then covid happened, and suddenly we were jumping in head over heels and moving in together. I don’t regret that or my subsequent marriage… but man I hate living here.

There’s also nothing that can be done for the sound of lawnmowers. Even noise cancelling headphones don’t remove the frequency of lawnmowers entirely. Whitenoise and earplugs are useless against their drone—and I must say that at this point I’m beyond exhausted.

I even tried contacting the housing association to see if they could get me the schedule so that I could reliably flee from the main trigger, the commercial mowers. While they were sympathic, they unfortunately do not have access to the schedule of the mowers as they are subcontractors.

I also feel a bit guilty for hating where I live so much when the global housing crisis continues to rise. I’m fortunate to have a safe home to live in, and I know that, but I still cannot reconcile with the emotional turmoil I feel every time I hear the lawnmowers.

It doesn’t help that this has been some of the worst months for me that I’ve had in years. I’d rank it as the second worse year in my life—and that really is something I do not say lightly. For now, all I can do is try my best to cope. I’m delighted that I live in a cold area in Canada where in a few months the grass will be dead and covered in snow, my ears protected by a cold blanket.

On that note… I should go mow the lawn (no triggers if I do it myself). Funny enough, the only sound I’ve found loud enough to cover the frequency of a lawnmower… is the loud sound of being right next to the lawnmower. Go figure.

The word Karen is one that haunts my nightmares. As a person with misophonia I am constantly uncomfortable and feeling like the world is against me. I don’t want to feel this way, but it’s a fact that many of the sounds that trigger misophonia and the visuals that trigger misokinesia, are ones that are made by other people or by machinery used by people. Some of these include lawnmowers, loud base music, rattling car engines and exhausts, whistling, among others. I’m not mentioning chewing or sniffling here because these are sounds that I genuinely think we can’t even bring up to strangers since they are necessary to life.

I have politely asked people in public to stop whistling. My script (which isn’t really a script but an in the moment thing, is usually something like this).

Me: Excuse me, I am so sorry to ask, I have a hearing condition and I was wondering if you could please stop whistling? Again, I am so sorry to ask.

Yes, the Canadian in me says sorry twice. I hate inconveniencing people in general so asking them to change their actions to suit me is something I genuinely don’t want to do. Yet, by asking politely, I have noticed that a lot of the time people are happy to adjust. I will say that sometimes I feel far too aggravated and dysregulation to ask a person to stop, so the avoidance and resentment of my fellow human beings starts to come into play.

I think the key to not being a “KAREN” is to ensure that you are being polite and mindful of the other person, acknowledging that what they’re doing is not wrong and that you are not entitled to their compliance, yet asking in a way that is kind and polite. If the person does not stop the behavior, unfortunately there is very little that can be done, so hopefully you don’t have to be around them too often. UNLESS this is somebody who you have to be around every day (such as a colleague), then it would be reasonable to escalate the matter in my opinion, especially since (and only after) you tried to calmly and politely address the subject.

This week I have been dealing with loud contractors outside of my home playing base music loud enough it can be heard inside my house.

Today I did two things, and both of them have me wondering if I did the right thing. One is that I emailed the army housing board as I live in army housing—think of them as an HOA with more power. I emailed politely asking if they could ask the contractors to please keep their music down. I was not rude, nor demanding. However, I also wrote a note that was short and polite directly to the contractors about the noise in case they weren’t aware it was harming residents. I posted it on the door of the job site. While I could have talked to the contractors directly, as I actually have in the past (different ones), I was feeling far too dysregulated and worried that I would be rude about it.

Writing a note may seem passive aggressive, but it is a way of making your position and voice known. Does that make me a Karen? I personally don’t think so since self advocacy is an important part of this terrible disorder. The key difference between self-advocacy and being a Karen is not to be rude or demanding, yet be firm in your requests.

For those who haven’t heard of the widely popular new shopping app “Temu”, or for those who have, but were worried about buying cheaply made products from China, this article is for you. This article is not about the ethics of Temu, if you’re interested in that, you can read here. I’ve been shopping (and earning gifts free) on Temu for the past 5 months, and I’ve found that there are some great gems there for misophonia. Some of the products I have more experience with than others, but I have also found their reviews to be surprisingly legitimate.

I expected the quality of Temu to be similar to that of Wish and AliExpress, which in many ways it was, but what surprised me more was that when the veil was lifted, many of the products being sold directly on Temu were the same products I was paying 2-3x as much for on Amazon! When I really went down the rabbit-hole, I realized that Amazon charges its retailers a hefty sum to be on the site, and thus, Temu was appealing to manufacturers to cut out the middle-man for a global market.

One benefit I’ve found for Temu is that some companies like Logitech (the Asian variant), and Lenovo, are selling their legitimate products on Temu. This is great for people with misophonia who’d like a deal on good products. There are also plenty of opportunities on Temu to play games and win these items for free- but these can take up to 2 months to win.

Some of the best products I’ve found on Temu

Temu has their own “off-brand” version of Loop, which if you like the style, they aren’t really different at all, and should do the same job. Personally, I don’t love Loop, but I’m glad to see a cheaper alternative to what I feel are vastly overpriced earplugs.

I also LOVE their silicone earplugs. I’ve found 0 difference in them and the drug store ones, except the fact they are HALF the price. For something I buy a lot, this has been an amazing find. At this point pretty much everything I’ve bought has worked wonderfully. The few products I did buy that I didn’t like, I got refunds on.

If a product isn’t up to your standards, Temu offers free returns… and sometimes lets you keep the item and be refunded!

This is the part I felt was most surprising. Temu has a generous return policy- the first return from all orders is free. If you want to send back more than one item from an order, just send them together. However, I’ve found that most of the time, Temu just tells you to keep the item and donate it or toss it (if it’s broken).

Sign up for TEMU here and get a coupon bundle and discount

This article is not a paid review, however, clicking links to sites may generate a small fee for Misophonia International, which is then used to cover web hosting costs and other business expenses.

The below image is a general overview of some types of noises. It’s important to first note that there is no research on sounds for misophonia, and why each sounds

According to Healthy Hearing, “Sound is measured in decibels or dB. Any noise above 70 dB for an extended period can damage your hearing and lead to noise-induced hearing loss. A 2022 study suggests that adults can comfortably listen to white noise at 45 dB in an office space (about the same volume level of conversation). “

Since there’s no actual research on the noises of misophonia, we don’t really know enough to say which noise will be most beneficial. I personally prefer a pink noise, but others might do better with brown or white. The research on sound masking is an ever-developing field, and there’s not a lot of research in general, and none to date on misophonia. The most important part of these sound masking types is that you personally feel calmed and soothed by it. You can even use a combination at different times and find what works for you specifically.

I personally like to combine white noise with ear plugs. I find that the combination of both blocks most triggers, whilst also gives me protection from the white noise being too loud and damaging my ears. Noise-cancelling headphones paired with earplugs can work in public. At home, I play pink noise through my speakers in the room as I find wearing earplugs and headphones long term can give me a headache.

While you can purchase devices specifically to play these sounds, Spotify, Amazon Music, and other music stores often have files you can play on your at home speakers, without needing additional equipment. I have personally been using the file below for YEARS, and have no plans on switching any time soon (it is also on Apple Music).

References

For this article, I’m going to be heavily sourcing the article from Mastered Blog, which goes through the noises in great detail.

Image source: https://www.healthyhearing.com/report/53430-Noise-colors-white-pink-brown-tinnitus-hearing

To start off this article as a Master’s in Counselling student, I’m going to get it our there right away that to be honest, you do not have to go to therapy. Not for misophonia, or for something else. Therapy is a personal endeavor, and this should be a choice whether or not you want to go to therapy. To be honest, since there’s no treatment for misophonia, you’re better off going to no therapy than to go to a bad therapist that doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

Today I made a video about this topic, and while you don’t have to watch it (it is similar), I did kind of go into a rant on the topic. This article is not a word for word copy of the video so feel free to watch and read.

What therapists can do for misophonia varies based on the clinician and the modalities that they work from. If the clinician is purely CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) based and wants to do ERP (exposure response therapy), then what I would suggest is to not pay them a dime and to RUN.

Therapists, however, can help you deal with uncomfortable emotions and help you with learning psychoeducation and sensory regulation (two things we talk about a lot here on this website). Depending on the type of practitioner you are seeing, you might have somebody looking to give “diagnosis” or “treatment” (such as a psychiatrist, MD, or psychologist), or you might have a counsellor who is more focused on the emotions and symptoms and helping you find coping skills that work for you.

With all that said, the answer of if you should go to therapy for misophonia lies within you… do you feel like you would benefit from a professional to talk to? Maybe you want sensory strategies? If that’s the case, I suggest looking for occupational therapists or counsellors who have a sensory approach. Always remember that therapy is a choice, and you do not have to stay with a therapist who makes you uncomfortable.

My husband and I both have colds. I’ve been sicker than he is, and yet, I’ve been suffering much more. The difference between of us of course is that I have misophonia, and he’s fairly oblivious to every sound that he makes. I’ve been spending this cold hiding in my white noise, only scurrying near him when absolutely necessary. I imagine he’s lonely, and I did take some time to play Pokémon with him, and even that was too long in the noise. I must say, having a cold (or anything really wrong) makes the misophonia a far bit sharper. I’m tired, and I’m suffering through the misophonia. Sniffles are abundant. I’m grateful, however, because I know that colds don’t last forever and my husband is a kind man who understands the torment and is fine with me burying myself away. There’s no cure for a cold other than drinking water, sleeping, and ensuring that you hide away and don’t accidentally lunge a TV remote at somebody. I would never do this. I promise. Mostly.

For all my fellow misophones with sick family members, this is mostly a reminder that I’m here with you. We can suffer through this together. Drink lots of fluids, and give your family LOTS of space (so much space you can’t hear them). Also, if you’re not a ray of sunshine who can’t fake it right now, that’s okay too. That’s why we have earplugs, white noise, and places to hide away in…

Get Well Soon!